Archive for October, 2009

Will Oldham Pursues a Career In Kanye West Music Videos:

Saturday, October 31st, 2009

Will Oldham of Bonnie ‘Prince’ Billy fame played the secondary role in a remake of Kanye West’s video for “Can’t Tell Me Nothing”. The video also features funny man Zach Galifianakis of the Hangover masterpiece. Now, I hate Kanye West with a passion, even more so than 99% of the people I dislike already. He’s a stain on modern society, a running joke, snorting hollywood sized lines of ego daily. Kanye stands for most everything that is wrong with music today, as he pretends to be cutting edge and “pioneering” trends.. birthing something that makes me puke: the popularization of Auto-Tune.

However if one good thing has come from Kanye West it is this music video. Set in a rural farm town, two ‘brothers’ (Oldham and Galifianakis) mouth along to the words with a sluggish mid-western town gusto. Flashy club scenes are non-existant and the only females in this video are a group of milk churning maids.  Tune out Kanye’s idiot image flashing through your mind and pretend these words are really coming from Galifianakis. Also watch at the 3:40 mark when Oldham makes a tractor his love toy.

PS.

I just read Kanye West will be serving 50 hours of community service for beating a paparazzi photographer in an airport last year. I hope Kanye looks good in an orange jumpsuit.

-lionsteeth

Costumes are Fun In October:

Friday, October 30th, 2009

Well, we made it through the week! Now its time for the biggest costume ball of the year. I’m being a great Canadian beaver.

In tribute to the weekend that will inevitably pickle my liver and leave it in the toilet for 24 hours… here’s two songs by a band I found today that blew my brain apart. MATH THE BAND!

Math The Band – Hang Out/Hang Ten

Math The Band – Wear Wolf Fever

-lionsteeth

Count Down To Halloween #1!

Friday, October 30th, 2009

I know I failed at documenting 5 scary stories this week; I admit I got quite lazy and ran out of content quite quickly. However I promise this will make it up:

Dyatlov Pass Incident

Our story begin in 1959, the date February 2nd.  9 Russian skiers enter the eastern shoulder of Холат Сяхл (Kholat Syakhl) also known as the Mountain Of The Dead. Kholat Syakhl is located in mid-northern Russia. The group of 9 had set out a few days prior on a week long ski/hiking trip, fully prepared with tents, winter clothing, food ect. The goal of the trip was to reach Otorten, a mountain 10 kilometers from the site of the incident. They would never return home from what seemed to be an exciting winter vacation.

The irony of a trip into the Mountain Of The Dead is almost sickening. Although the ski outfit where equiped and lead by a seasoned guide (Igor Dyatlov) to whom the pass would later be named. The fellowing events where later reported after a search group was sent out to retrieve the group after they did not return for days. The plan had been sent that Igor Dyatlov would send a telegraph when the team arrived back at the town they departed from, Vizhai, and when no telegraph was received a small volunteer search party was sent out. What they found was truely horrifying.

On February 26th, the remains of the groups camp was found. The tent was badly damaged, foot prints could be traced 500 meters to a forest on the other side of the pass. At the edge of the forest the search team found the remains of a fire and the first two bodies, both dressed only in their underclothes. 3 other bodies where found 300, 480 and 630 meters from the other two corpses, these bodies where in poses suggesting they had attempted to return to the camp. The last 4 bodies took another two months to be found, buried under four meters of snow in a ravine even farther then the other bodies.

Upon quick investigation of the first 5 bodies the cause of death was determined to be hypothermia, although one of the skiers had a crack in his skull. However when the next 4 bodies where found, the scene changed greatly. Fatal injuries caused three of the four deaths, including major chest and head fractures. Examiners of the body, claim the amount of force required to cause these injuries would have had to be extremely high, equivalent to that of a high impact car crash. None of the bodies had any external wounds, as if crushed by high pressure. The one woman of the group was found missing her tongue.

These facts are known:

1. The skiers abandoned their tent at night, braving temperatures of -25 degrees Celsius, only in their underclothes.

2. 6 of the 9 where killed by hypothermia, 3 of fatal internal injuries.

3. The tent had been ripped open from the inside.

4. Upon testing, the clothes of all the deceased  showed high traces of radiation.

The pass was closed for three years following the incident. The case was closed due to “absence of a guilty party” and the deaths where claimed to be caused by “an unknown compelling force”.

Later, speculation was raised after some startling new evidence was unearthed. Family members attending the funerals of the skiers claimed the bodies where ‘orange’ in colour with grey hair. Also a group of hikers 50 kilometers away reported seeing bright orange globes in the sky on the night of February 2nd.

-lionsteeth


This Makes Me Sad:

Thursday, October 29th, 2009

Why does this exist? DJ Hero, get real.

I get guitar hero (kind of), but is this niche that really needs to be filled? Whats next Yodel Hero? Accordion Hero?

-lionsteeth

The Superficial: Because You’re Ugly

Thursday, October 29th, 2009

Now, I’m definitely not one to read celebrity gossip blogs, because frankly, who gives a shit? However, if said blog is written by a sarcastic and comedic boob-obsessed anonymous male, I give a shit. The Superficial is a celebrity gossip blog unlike any other. This appears on their ‘about’ page:

The Superficial is a brutally honest look at society and its obsession with the superficial. It is not satire. It is not social commentary. It is the voice of our society at its worst. It is first impressions without sense of social obligation. It is the truth of our generation. It is ugly racism. It is jealousy. It is honest.

Just kidding. Our goal is to make fun of as many people as possible.

The superficial is known for its harsh and biting wit and bitter discourse about today’s celebrities and news-makers. And honestly, I look at it everyday. It makes me laugh-out-loud, at its sometimes ‘not safe for work’ and often hilarious photos. The anonymous writer is so funny, I wake up at night hoping one day I could be half as ridiculous as he is.

Here’s a sample:
Lindsay Lohan

Here’s Lindsay Lohan shopping in New York last night and giving the paparazzi a clear shot of her fiery chesticles, and frankly, I’m amazed those things are even there. You figure the amount of blow she goes through her chest would be concave by now and she’d be using it as a sort of makeshift glove box. Or at least that’s how I envisioned it in this doodle I made where Lindsay’s uppercutting Godzilla because he stopped returning her texts. But enough boring science talk, you guys came her to see some boobs.

Pics are quasi-NSFW unless your employer has a lax blurred areola policy.

The Superficial: Because You’re Ugly

-artandstars

Global Warming Just Got Terrifying

Wednesday, October 28th, 2009

If someone asks you to name a place on earth that you would consider safe, I would be willing to bet that Columbia isn’t the first name that jumps into your mind. It isn’t strange that a place filled to the brim with piranhas, jaguars, and drug lords sounds forbidding. Now, what if I were to tell you that Columbia is a veritable playground when compared to 59 million years ago? (This being after the dinosaurs went extinct; Dinosaurs being scary is a given.)

Recently, in a coal mine in Columbia the miners found themselves digging up something other than coal: snake skeletons. Specifically the fossilized skeletons of what has been named Titanoboa.

Titanoboa_anaconda

The vertebrae on the left is a modern anaconda, the one on the right is titanoboa. Now some stats courtesy of Wikipedia: length 12-15 meters, weight 2,500lbs, diameter 1 meter. If this snake was lying next to you, you could literally touch it with your hand without having to bend down. The cool thing I learned when reading about this monster is that on account of there being a direct correlation between temperature and the maximum size a snake can obtain, scientists are able to determine the average temperature of the era. Until now I couldn’t have cared less about global warming (sorry, ‘climate change’). Fewer polar bears and slightly higher sea levels don’t phase me, but add giant freaking snakes to the table and you’ve got my attention.

I’m going to do a quick round of mathematics here before I sign off. If you look on the internet you can find images/videos of anacondas eating various animals. Going off the one where it eats an alligator I come up with the following:

Largish anaconda: 300lbs.

Large male alligator: 800lbs. Probable alligator: 400lbs

Titanoboa: 2,500lbs

Average male giraffe: 2,630lbs

Alligator to anaconda weight ratio: 1.25

Giraffe to titanoboa weight ratio: 1.052

Verdict: Scary ass snake could eat a giraffe whole.*

-Wolverox

* may or may not be bullshit

WOoooow!

Wednesday, October 28th, 2009

Birds on the Wires from Jarbas Agnelli on Vimeo.

This man found this photo in a newspaper, just birds sitting on wires, and had the brilliant idea of taking the position of the birds and making them notes as if on sheet music. It’s simply perfect.

-artandstars

Supergroup “Novels” is formed

Wednesday, October 28th, 2009

novels
Canadian musicians love each other. To Americans we are known for our indie-collectives. I blame this mostly on Can-Con, also a bit on the fact that we are mostly like-able people. Be it the collaborations of Broken Social Scene or The Pale Air Singers. The constant member swapping of Wolf Parade/Frog Eyes/Sunset Rubdown etc. or Vancouver’s own Greenbelt Collective, we really love sharing band members! I’ve now heard news of a very exciting new super group chalked full of some of my favourite Can-Con artists. They are to be called ‘Novels’ and besides the line up of members, very little is known about them. The band features members such as: Luke Lalonde (Born Ruffians), Graham Wright (Tokyo Police Club) and Will Currie (Will Currie & The Country French). As soon as I heard Luke Lalonde was playing in this band I was stoked, as I have a pretty big hard-on for Born Ruffians. All they are telling us though is that:

1.Novels made an EP in January of 2009 in one 24 hour session

2.It has 5 songs

3.Each song was written by one member of the band

4.The EP will not be available for purchase or download.

5.The band will be scattering cd’s around cities (most likely Toronto)

I’m a little pissed, I need to hear this and all that is available is the short documentary shot while the CD was being recorded with only small clips of the songs. Oh well I guess I’ll have to treck it out to Toronto and find a copy on a park bench somewhere. This is what Novels had to say about their project:

Hello.

In January of 2008, five of us locked ourselves away in Chemical Sound Studios in Toronto with the goal of writing, arranging, and recording an EP from scratch in one marathon session.  When we stumbled out the door in the wee hours of the next morning, we found ourselves with what we’re now calling NOVELS.

NOVELS won’t be sold in CD stores, on the internet, or anywhere else.  Instead, we’ll give them away, or put them places.  Maybe you’ll find a copy sitting on a park bench.  Maybe a masked man will hand you one as he passes you on the street.  Maybe none of these things will happen.  But we’ll make sure that everyone gets a chance to listen if they want to.

We also had some friends come along to take pictures and video, which can be found on this website as well as in various other places on the internet.

Thanks for listening, and enjoy!

and here are the video clips:

So in conclusion, if a masked man offers you a CD on the street…TAKE IT! and send it to me…

-lionsteeth

Ruby Suns and the DoDos

Tuesday, October 27th, 2009

Ruby20

Just this past Monday I had the great fortune of seeing these two wonderful bands play at the Biltmore.  I arrived, much to my dismay, in the middle of the Ruby Suns set. The song “Oh, Mojave” was being played, but it sounded different. It was a more stripped down, much more electronic version of the song. And something was wrong onstage. “There is mischief afoot!”, I thought to myself. After listening to the Ruby Suns studio album, “sea Lion”, I was positive that there had to be at least 6 or 7 people in the band. But up on stage there were only 3. Did my eyes deceive me? Where were the others hiding? Turns out the three onstage had  tiny versions of themselves hidden in sampling machines and keyboards, so they could double their beautiful music out put. The result was an amazing show. It definately had a more stripped down feel compared to the record, with a bigger emphasis on the electronic aspects of the songs. This worked out well though, at some points making me feel as if I were listening for the first time. Varying from soft lullabies to dancy upbeat pop music that had all three members (Ryan McPhun, Amee Robinson, Bevan Smith) doing multiple things onstage at once, the performance was just as engaging to watch as it was to listen to.

Oh, Mojave – Ruby Suns

Adventure Tour – Ruby Suns

Next up were the Dodos.  dodos_hilary

They played a wonderful set full of danceable pop and catchy melodies. Lead singer/ guitar player Meric Long displayed a masterful talent with loop machines, looping both his vocals and guitar riffs, sometimes simultaneously, and adding loads of depth usually unheard of for a three piece pop act. Add to this the absolutely fan-fucking-tastic drumming of Logan Kroeber, beautiful rolls on the floor tom with plenty of rim shots and booming beats with sharp snare hits that had me dancing involuntarily, and you’ve got yourself one hell of a great band. But wait, there’s more. A third member, Keaton Snyder, was playing a giant vibraphone and another floor tom! Infusing yet more depth into the songs. Especially during the slower breakdowns. At one point both Long and Snyder were playing the vibraphone with bows from a cello. The result was a haunting, yet very pretty, humming melody. It was something that I have never seen before, so for that reason and so much more, I suggest that you go check out the Dodos. It’s for your own good. And go see them next time they are in town, you won’t be disapointed.

Paint the Rust – The Dodos

The Season – The Dodos

It was a busy day, goodnight:

Tuesday, October 27th, 2009

sorry, I was way to busy to post anything huge today. Here’s some songs relating to space to go to sleep to.

Galaxie 500 – Blue Thunder

Spacemen 3 – Walkin’ With Jesus

-lionsteeth